To whom it concerns-
I don’t know if you’ll read this, but it makes me feel better getting it out, so here it is.
I still remember the event that led me to writing you to finally tell you how I felt about you. After 24 years, I finally told you I had feelings for you. I kept in mind the age difference and the fact you were a little gun shy as far as relationships go, and didn’t use the L word even though that’s what I meant. I held my breath as I hit send.
And spent a week with my stomach in knots waiting for a reply.
I still remember the shaking in my hands and the nausea that hit me when I saw you had replied. Would you be like “ew gross” or would you confess similar feelings?
You know what I got?
An I’m flattered.
I spent months analyzing that one comment, wondering was it simply what it said, code for something more you wanted to say but we’re scared to? I talked the situation over with a couple of close friends, because I needed to get it out of my system-had I done something wrong by telling you? And then, as the months went by and the only responses I got from you about anything were business related (no response at all to anything not related to academic business). I wondered what’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?
Then I realized, it’s not me.
And that it was time to not only let the situation go, but let you go.
I’ve gone through the whole five stages of grief thing with my feelings for you.
This is my acceptance.
I accept that you will never care for me the way I did you. You will never stop seeing me as anything more than a former student. I will never be the type of woman you seem to like.
This is my acceptance of that fact, and my goodbye to you. No more funny hi how are you emails, no more looking for you at every coffee shop in town-no more.
We’re in the same industry in the same town (academia) so I’m sure we will run into each other at some point, but I’m not looking for you anymore.
I am moving on.