I’m Tired

I am tired.

Tired of the darkness

That has taken over the world.

Tired of the violence, the hate

Against each other.

Every day the same story

Only the names change.

Shootings, stabbings, bombings

Different places

Different faces

Everything is wrong

I’m tired.

I don’t know how to fight any more.

What to do, what to say

I can’t breathe

I just want to hide away.

But I can’t.

Darkness is defected by light.

I must get up

And continue do to what’s right.

One candle

One flame

Darkness will not win.

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This Is My Acceptance.

To whom it concerns-

I don’t know if you’ll read this, but it makes me feel better getting it out, so here it is.

I still remember the event that led me to writing you to finally tell you how I felt about you. After 24 years, I finally told you I had feelings for you. I kept in mind the age difference and the fact you were a little gun shy as far as relationships go, and didn’t use the L word even though that’s what I meant. I held my breath as I hit send.

And spent a week with my stomach in knots waiting for a reply.

I still remember the shaking in my hands and the nausea that hit me when I saw you had replied. Would you be like “ew gross” or would you confess similar feelings?

You know what I got?

An I’m flattered.

I spent months analyzing that one comment, wondering was it simply what it said, code for something more you wanted to say but we’re scared to? I talked the situation over with a couple of close friends, because I needed to get it out of my system-had I done something wrong by telling you? And then, as the months went by and the only responses I got from you about anything were business related (no response at all to anything not related to academic business). I wondered what’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?

Then I realized, it’s not me.

And that it was time to not only let the situation go, but let you go.

I’ve gone through the whole five stages of grief thing with my feelings for you.

This is my acceptance.

I accept that you will never care for me the way I did you. You will never stop seeing me as anything more than a former student. I will never be the type of woman you seem to like.

I’m better.

This is my acceptance of that fact, and my goodbye to you. No more funny hi how are you emails, no more looking for you at every coffee shop in town-no more.

We’re in the same industry in the same town (academia) so I’m sure we will run into each other at some point, but I’m not looking for you anymore.

I am moving on.

Waiting for Snow

So there’s a winter storm watch in my area for this weekend… I imagine the adults are having vision s of milk and bread runs flowing through their heads, and every child under 18 is praying for a snow day (which we don’t get often). The college professors (we have a branch of a community college in my town, and the main campus is less than 45 minutes away) are thinking “crap, here we go again” because our spring semester starts next week and two years ago we lost a couple of days at the beginning of the semester due to weather. (And yes, it is frustrating to lose days on any academic level, but we do want our students to be safe first. We’re not heartless.)

Most people who aren’t from around here wonder what the big deal is-it’s just a little snow, right? Well when you aren’t used to it it IS a big deal. There aren’t a lot of Southern children used to making snowmen. We don’t often get to make that rare Southern delicacy known as “snow-cream”, so it’s not only a treat for us, it’s a chance to share a childhood tradition with the younger ones in our families. I myself don’t really fully get the whole bread and milk thing, but it’s the comfort of knowing you have the most basic elements available to feed yourself and anyone else in your home should the need arise that makes us do it, I suppose. Southerners also often get made fun of for our lack of driving ability in the white stuff, but I think we look on it as a challenge. We don’t back down from those easily.

So snow in the forecast does often bring out the crazy in us, and when you see examples of this, please try to understand.

And if it does snow, well…

Snowball fight starts as soon as the yard onions are covered.

Y’all come join us!

Football Equals Heartbreak

Ok going off the regular pattern here…

My heart just got crushed by a football team. I’ve been a Georgia fan all my life, and this year was the first year since 1981 that they were in the National Championship game.

It went to overtime.

And they lost.

Alabama made a miraculous play in overtime that gave them the win.

We made mistakes that in the end cost us the game.

I am very proud of the team, don’t get me wrong, but I cried as that Alabama player ran into the end zone.

Now we rest a bit then start to work on next season. We say goodbye to the seniors, and start looking ahead.

I have faith that next year will be just as good if not better, because we have a tremendous well of talent, and we did make Bama work hard for it, but…

I cried. It hurts. And that’s the truth.

Writing Challenge Day 6

Five ways to win my heart…

Well, as I am not a high maintenance woman, you might think this would be pretty easy to write. But it was actually the opposite.

For a start, first thing you can do to win my heart is give me an intelligent conversation. And don’t be pretentious about it either. Engage my brain, my heart gets at least interested.

Second, be kind to those around you. Be kind to animals. Pet the kittens at PetSmart occasionally. Say hi to the neighbor who walks her dogs on your street, maybe even pet them once in a while (the dogs, not the neighbor). Volunteer. Show an interest in your fellow human beings. Be nice to people who wait on you at stores and restaurants.

Third, know how to cook something that doesn’t just involve opening a can or dialing a delivery number. It doesn’t have to be fancy either-I’m a sucker for a good burger or steak.

Fourth, be just a little self sufficient. It’s nice to know that if the grid were to go down, you stand a snowball’s chance in hell of actually surviving. Know how to survive without the electronics our society has become far too dependent on.

Fifth, be thirsty for knowledge. As a friend of mine once said “Let me never be content with my unending ignorance of the world and its riches.” Never stop wanting to learn, whether it be a new skill, a new language, or a new art form.

See? I don’t want much at all 🙂

Writing Challenge day 5

Five places I’d like to visit:

1. England. Home of the majority of my ancestors and Jeremy Northam. ‘Nuff said.

2. Ireland/Scotland. Yet another ancestral homeland plus men in kilts. Yes please.

3. Spain. It has long been my ambition to watch a Real Madrid game in their home stadium.

4. France. To see the city that fostered the great Chanel, among other artistic luminaries. Plus baguettes.

5. Germany. Just to be different. Plus I want to see the birthplace of Oktoberfest. That looks fun.

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 3 and 4

Okay, I skipped yesterday- hey my sinuses have been kicking my butt so cut me some slack…

Day 3- My Top three pet peeves… definitely one would have to be willful ignorance. If you just don’t want to learn about things because you can’t be bothered to make the effort when it’s practically sitting in your lap, then I feel sorry for you. It’s ok to try and not like it , but not to just skate your way through life.

Two- Rudeness. Can not abide it.

Three- Lateness. If you say you are going to be somewhere, then be there. The world does not revolve around you and your plans.

Day 4- someone who inspires me. I’d say my mom. She got dumped into an unfamiliar situation when my dad died and she’s handled it pretty well. She’s a very resilient woman.

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 2

Hmmm, something someone told me about myself I’ll never forget…

Well, I’ve had a lot of people tell me both good and bad things over the years, but honestly the first thing that comes to mind is a little boy who was with his mom one day at a store where I once worked. I was helping his mom in the photo lab, I was tired, my makeup felt like crap-it had been a really long day… and this sweet little boy looked up at me and said “You’re pretty!”

Made my day:)

30 Day Writing Challenge-Day 1

Ten things that make me happy:

1. A good cheeseburger. You just can’t beat it.

2. Getting a story or poem accepted. It’s a thrill seeing your name in print over something you’ve worked hard on.

3. Receiving mail that isn’t junk.

4. All my students showing up for class.

5. Spending time with my Mentor U mentee. He’s a good kid.

6. French Table at Starbucks with my friend Margaret. Elle est trés magnifique!

7. The light on my students faces when they get a point I’m making.

8. Creative writing club meetings.

9. Cold Dr. Pepper.

10. Fresh coffee:)

Broken Hearts

Broken hearts- I think that everyone in their lifetime experiences one in some form or another.

They hurt-that’s a fact and no denying it.

You think that you’ll never be able to draw another breath without feeling the pain.

But I can  tell you- it will get better.

I’ve been telling myself that a lot lately, as I’ve been going through my own heartbreak.

All I can tell you is this-take time for yourself.  Be nice to yourself-read a book you like, even if its one you’ve read a hundred times.  Buy yourself a nice cup of your preferred beverage.  Get the good chocolate at the store.  Sleep in and cry if you need to (but not too long, because anyone worth your tears won’t make you cry.) Give yourself a good facial.  Soak in the bath with the expensive stuff while listening to the spa channel on Pandora Radio. Get the upsize fries.  Take a walk by the lake and feed the ducks.  Look at the stars.

Take as much time as you need to get yourself back, because too often we lose sight of our own hopes and dreams and desires in chasing after someone who fits none of them-possibly through no fault of theirs, but they still aren’t good for us.

It will take some time, moving on never happens overnight

But it will happen.